family jokes

After listening to his child's endless knock-knock jokes, while trying to read the paper, Dad finally had enough.

Child: Knock knock...

Dad: Come on in, it's open!

Son: I watched a guy do 50 push-ups in a row. Can you do that, Dad?

Dad: Of course, son. Heck, I could probably watch someone do 100 push ups.

My husband, Ray, was attempting to build a patio for the first time. He bought 100 cement blocks. Laying them out in a pattern, he discovered the chosen area was too small.

He stacked the blocks against the house and cleared more space. The next day Ray put the cement blocks back down, only to find that the ground was too hard to keep the patio level.

He ordered a truckload of sand to be delivered the following morning. Again he stacked the 100 blocks against the house.

Observing all this, our next-door neighbor asked, "Ray, are you going to put your patio away every night?"

I asked my girlfriend to describe me in 5 words.

She said I'm mature, I'm moral, I'm pure, I'm polite and ultimately I'm perfect!

Then she added that I also had a fundamental lack of understanding about apostrophes and spaces.