Son: “Dad, did you get the results of the DNA test back?”
Dad: “Call me George.”
While the family was sitting around the dinner table, Jennifer, 5, turned to her brother Andy, 3, and pointed to her dad. "That's not your real father," she said, startling the whole family.
"Yes, he is!" Andy replied.
"No, he's not," Jennifer insisted. "God is your heavenly father."
Then pointing at her dad, she said, "That's your homely father!"
It was our great aunt's birthday, so we decided to call her up and sing "Happy Birthday."
Only trouble was we dialed the wrong number.
"Don't let it bother you," said the voice on the other end, "you need all the practice you can get."
After shopping for most of the day, a couple returns to find their car has been stolen. They go to the police station to make a full report. Then, a detective drives them back to the parking lot to see if any evidence can be found at the scene of the crime. To their amazement, the car has been returned.
There is an envelope on the windshield with a note of apology and two tickets to a music concert. The note reads, "I apologize for taking your car, but my wife was having a baby and I had to hot-wire your ignition to rush her to the hospital. Please forgive the inconvenience. Here are two tickets for tonight's concert of Garth Brooks, the country-and-western music star."
Their faith in humanity restored, the couple attend the concert and return home late. They find their house has been robbed. Valuable goods have been taken from throughout the house. And, there is a note on the door reading, "Well, you still have your car. I have to put my newly born kid through college."