After a Southern man moved from Atlanta to a New Jersey suburb, a fellow passenger on a train asked how he liked it in the country.
"It was difficult at first," the man replied, "but it's a lot better since I got myself a paramour."
The passenger was astonished. "A paramour?" he said. "Does your wife know?"
"Sure," said the Southerner. "She doesn't care how I cut the grass."
Mother and daughter are having a bonding moment.
Daughter: Mommy can you differentiate the words terrible and horrible for me?
Mother: Sure dear. Remember when we went to the beach last week?
Daughter: Yes I remember.
Mother: While swimming, your dad was caught by rip current.
Daughter: Oh, that's terrible!
Mother: That's right.
Daughter: Mommy, what about horrible?
Mother: The wave brought him back to shore.