A five-year-old told her mom she was going to have ten babies when she grew up.
"That's a lot of babies," replied the mom.
The mom asked her eight-year-old son, "How many are you going to have?"
"None," he answered, rolling his eyes. "My wife is going to have the babies!"
Lisa: "My son is a waiter."
Rose: "Oh, he works in the food industry?"
Lisa: "No, he always keeps us waiting."
My husband was building shelves in our bedroom and, intending to continue his work the next day, left some tools on my dresser, including a hammer, screwdriver, and chisel.
The following morning, while I was in front of the dresser combing my hair, my teenage daughter walked in.
"Hi, Mom," she said, taking a look at the dresser. "Fixing your face?"
I now know how it will end for me...
One of my kid's will unplug my life support to charge their phone.