John: Do you know how many children a family would have if the husband had to share in the labor and delivery?
Fred: No I have no idea.
John: They would only have three. The woman would have the first one, the husband the second and the wife would have the third. There would be no more because the husband has no intention of going through it again.
A mother-in-law visits her son-in-law before leaving for a trip. They are sipping coffee and chatting. Suddenly, the mother-in-law looks at the clock and jumps off her chair exclaiming, "It's already 3 pm! I'm about to miss my train!"
She begins to put her coat on in a hurry. At this moment the son-in-law's six-year-old daughter runs up to her and before her dad can do anything, she says, "Don't hurry Granny, Daddy set the clock two hours ahead."
Early one evening a gentleman scuttled out to his garage and pulled the lawn furniture out onto the driveway. Shortly after followed the lawnmower, a few gardening tools and a bicycle.
A curious neighbor wandered over and asked if he was going to have a garage sale.
"No," replied the gentleman, "my son just bought his first car and right now he's getting ready for a big date. He'll be taking the car out soon to pick up the girl."
"So what's with all the stuff?" asked the neighbor.
"Well, after years of moving tricycles, toys and sports equipment out of the way every time I came home from work, I wanted to make sure the driveway was ready for him."