family jokes

I was enjoying the second week of a two-week vacation the same way I had enjoyed the first week: by doing as little as possible.

I ignored my wife's not-so-subtle hints about completing certain jobs around the house, but I didn't realize how much this bothered her until the clothes dryer refused to work, the iron shorted, and the sewing machine motor burned out in the middle of a seam. The final straw came when she plugged in the vacuum cleaner and nothing happened.

She looked so stricken that I had to offer some consolation. "That's okay, honey," I said, "you still have me."

She looked up at me with tears in her eyes. "Yes," she wailed, "but you don't work either!"

Daughter: "Mom, can you lend me $100?"

Mother: "What? Do you think I have $50? Don't you know it's hard to earn $20? Even $10 I don't have. Luckily I keep $5 in my purse. How about I lend you $2?"

Daughter: "Give it to me quickly. It might come down to $1."