family jokes

Do twins ever realize that one of them is unplanned?

Alex to his friend Francis: “Yesterday was my wife’s birthday, and I asked her, 'What gift would you like to have?'”

Francis : “What did she say?"

Alex: "She said, 'Give me anything which has diamonds in it.'”

Francis: “So what did you give her?”

Alex: “A deck of playing cards.”

Son to dad: "Dad, why don’t you buy me a car?"

Dad: "My dear son, God gave you two legs for what purpose?"

Son: "One leg is for the brake and the other for the accelerator."

I reluctantly went shopping with my wife so she could buy a new dress. She tried on several but they didn't fit.

As she came out of the fitting room totally frustrated she remarked, "Nothing my size fits me anymore."