family jokes

Needing to shed a few pounds, my wife and I went on a diet that had specific recipes for each meal of the day. We followed the instructions closely, dividing the finished recipe in half for our individual plates. We felt terrific and thought the diet was wonderful -- we never even felt hungry!

But soon we realized we were gaining weight, not losing it. Checking the recipes again, we found it. There in the not-so-fine, fine print, was the answer: "Serving Size: 6."

The teacher asks Suzy where her nose is, and Suzy points to it. Next, she asks Freddy where his ears are, and he points to them. Then she asked little johnny where his heart is, johnny points to his behind,

The teacher said, "No, that is not right. Let's try again. Where is your heart?"

Again, Johnny points to his behind and explains, "Every time my grandma comes over she give me a hug, pats my behind, and says 'Bless your heart.'"

When asked by his grandchildren to describe his retirement Grandpa proudly answered, "It's great! Some days at 3:00 pm I take off my pajamas and get dressed, and some days at 3:00 pm I put on my pajamas and get ready for early dinner and bed!"