family jokes

I went back to my home town a decided to visit the house I grew up in.

I ask the occupants if I could come inside. They said, "No!"

My parents can be so grouchy some times.

I am a first-grade teacher and a new empty nester. One night I was trying out an art project: making a person with simple materials.

I took a coat hanger, attached a paper-plate face, put a shirt on the hanger and stuffed it. Then I sat it on the couch to see how it looked.

Later that evening my son walked in the door, home for a surprise visit. Taking one look at my coat-hanger friend sitting on the couch, he said, "Mom, it’s not that bad, is it?"

My cooking has always been the target of family jokes. One evening, as I prepared dinner a bit too quickly, the kitchen filled with smoke and the smoke detector went off. Although both of my children had received fire-safety training at school, they did not respond to the alarm.

Annoyed, I stormed through the house in search of them. I found them in the bathroom, washing their hands. Over the loud buzzing of the smoke alarm, I asked them to identify the sound.

"It’s the smoke detector," they replied in unison.

"Do you know what that sound means?" I demanded.

"Sure," my oldest replied. "Dinner’s ready."

My daughter had absentmindedly left her sneakers on our kitchen table. "That’s disgusting," my husband grumbled. "Doesn’t she realize we eat off that table?"

Then he went out back to work on the car. I cleaned the table and left to do my grocery shopping.

When I came home I couldn’t set my bags down anywhere. Sitting in the middle of the kitchen table was a car muffler.