family jokes

Jim: My older brother Dave crashed his car into a tree going forty miles an hour.

Troy: Wow! I didn't know trees could move that fast!

"Why is Dad never home?" the 16 year old girl asked her mother.

"Well, dear, he has taken a second job so that you can have iPads, mobile phone, a TV in your room, club memberships, cosmetics, trendy clothes . . . he does it all for you, so his beautiful girl doesn't miss out on a thing."

"Wow," the teenager replied thoughtfully, "that's really very selfish of him, isn't it?"

Mom: Hi.
Son: I'm in a meeting....BRB.

Mom: BRB means????
Son: Be Right back.

Mom: Okay, IAW.
Son: IAW?

Mom: I Am Waiting.
Son: That's not an abbreviation mom!

Mom: Why? Only you can make one? Who do you think you are? I can make one up too.