family jokes

The Phone Rings….

(Mother) Hello
(Daughter) Hi Mom!

(Mother) Honey, I haven’t head from you in months, is everything OK?
(Daughter) I just wanted to let you know I’m in my 3rd trimester.

(Mother) You’re PREGNANT?!?!
(Daughter) Nooooo! I went off to college remember?

The teenager lost a contact lens while playing basketball in his driveway. After a brief, fruitless search, he gave up. His mother took up the cause and within minutes she had found the lens.

"I looked everywhere, how did you do that?" he asked.

"We weren’t looking for the same thing," she explained. "You were looking for a small piece of plastic. I, on the other hand, was looking for $150!"

Daughter: I can't marry him, Mother. He's an atheist and doesn't believe there's a hell.

Mother: Marry him, my dear, and between us we can convince him that he's wrong.

My mother-in-law sent me two sweaters for Christmas.

When she came for a visit, I put on one of the sweaters.

The first thing she said was, "What's the matter? Didn't you like the other one?"