family jokes

Photographer to young man: "It will make a much better picture if you put your hand on your father's shoulder."

Father: "It would be much more realistic if he had his hand in my pocket."

A boy was assigned a paper on childbirth and asked his parents, "How was I born?"

"Well, Honey..." said the boy's mom, "the stork brought you to us."

"Oh," said the boy. "Well, how did you and daddy get born?" he asked.

"Oh, the stork brought us too," chimed in the dad.

"Well how were grandpa and grandma born?" he persisted.

"Well darling, the stork brought them too!" said the mom, by now starting to squirm a little in the Lazy Boy recliner.

Several days later, the boy handed in his paper to the teacher who read with confusion the opening sentence: "This report has been very difficult to write because there hasn't been a natural childbirth in my family for three generations."

The Phone Rings….

(Mother) Hello
(Daughter) Hi Mom!

(Mother) Honey, I haven’t head from you in months, is everything OK?
(Daughter) I just wanted to let you know I’m in my 3rd trimester.

(Mother) You’re PREGNANT?!?!
(Daughter) Nooooo! I went off to college remember?

The teenager lost a contact lens while playing basketball in his driveway. After a brief, fruitless search, he gave up. His mother took up the cause and within minutes she had found the lens.

"I looked everywhere, how did you do that?" he asked.

"We weren’t looking for the same thing," she explained. "You were looking for a small piece of plastic. I, on the other hand, was looking for $150!"