family jokes

My grandma has always been interested in technology, so when I got my new smart phone, she wanted me to show her some of its features.

The first thing I demonstrated to her is how to change the screen by swiping it.

I haven't seen grandma or my phone since.

A mother was taking her two young ones to grandpa’s birthday party. The two kids were whispering in the back seat. One of the children said, "You can’t have a birthday party without a birthday cake."

The other child said, "Yup, that’s right! No cake no party!"

"What makes you two think there won’t be a birthday cake?" asked the mother.

"Are you kidding mom, Grandpa's going to need a garden hose to put that fire out."

Five year old Frankie's parents bought him some new shoes. It had been raining so they told Frankie, "You can't walk in mud puddles with your new shoes."

Frankie went outside as his parents watched from the window. The first thing Frankie did was go to the nearest mud puddle and began to stop his feet in the muddy water.

With the biggest smile on his face Frankie ran back into the house and announced his shoes work just fine in mud puddles.

Top 10 List of what Moms REALLY want...

10. To be able to eat a whole candy bar (alone) and drink a soda without any floaties, ie... backwash.

9. To have my 14 year-old daughter answer a question without rolling her eyes in that, "Why is this person my mother?" way.

8. Five pounds of chocolate that won't add twenty.

7. A shower without a child peeking through the curtain with a "Hi Ya Mom!" just as I put a razor to my ankle.

6. A full time cleaning person - period!

5. For my teenager to announce, "Hey, Mom! I got a full scholarship and a job all in the same day!"

4. A grocery store that doesn't have candy/gum/toys displayed at the checkout line.

3. To have a family meal without a discussion about bodily secretions.

2. To be able to step on a plane with my toddlers and NOT have someone moan, "Oh no! Why me!"

And #1... Four words: Fisher Price Play Prison