family jokes

"Darling, in the moonlight your teeth are like pearls."

"Oh really! And when were you in the moonlight with Pearl?"

Definition of Family Planning:

The art of spacing your children the proper distance apart to keep you on the edge of financial disaster.

The man passed out in a dead faint as he came out of his front door onto the porch. Someone dialed 911. When the paramedics arrived, they helped him regain consciousness and asked if he knew what caused him to faint.

"It was enough to make anybody faint," he said. "My son asked me for the keys to the garage, and instead of driving the car out, he came out with the lawn mower."

"Mom, you said the baby had your eyes and Daddy's nose, didn't you?"

"Yes, darling."

"Well, you'd better keep an eye on him... he's got grandpa's teeth now.