family jokes

"What does your mother do for a headache?"

"She sends me out to play."

Bathroom Definition: A room used by the entire family, believed by all except Mom to be self-cleaning.

Having lost weight over the past few years, a lady was discarding things from her wardrobe that no longer fit. Her seven-year-old niece was watching as she held up a huge pair of slacks.

"Wow," the lady said, "I must have worn these when I was 183."

Her niece looked puzzled, then asked, "How old are you now?"

A mother and daughter were reading tea leaves in the bottom of their cups during lunch. Wanting to get attention the little brother said, "that’s nothing" as he flung spaghetti on the wall. He told his mother and sister that spaghetti was a much more reliable source for reading the future.

The mother took a close look at the spaghetti as it slid down the wall. She said, "I think you’re right, do you see that noodle? It’s telling me you’ll be grounded for a week."