Mrs. Jones was reading a letter at breakfast. Suddenly she looked up suspiciously at her husband.
"Henry," she said, "I've just received a letter from mother saying she isn't accepting our invitation to come and stay, as we do not appear to want her. What does she mean by that? I told you to write and say that she was to come at her own convenience. You did write, didn't you?"
"Er, yes, I did," said the husband. "But I couldn't spell convenience, so I went with risk instead."
After officiating at a baptism the priest was invited back to the parents home for tea and cake. He changed out of his vestments and went to the home where one little 4-year old boy kept staring at his white collar.
The priest finally said to the little boy, "Do you know what the white collar means that I am wearing?"
"Yes I do.", the little boy said.
"It means that you won't have flees or ticks for three months."