family jokes

Haven’t verified this on Snopes but it sounds legit.
A recent study found that women who carry a little extra weight live longer than the men who mention it.

Today, in the UK, the average man has 1.7 children.

I was told this fact by my 0.3 brother.

" Dad who built the Suez Canal"
" I don't know son"
" Dad who discovered penicillin "
" I've no idea son"
" Dad what's the capital of Italy "
" I ain't got a clue son"
"Dad you don't mind me asking all these questions do you"
"No son, if you don't ask you won't learn anything "

The difference between complete and finished?
If you marry the right one, that's complete.
If you marry the wrong one, that's finished.
If you marry the right one and then get caught with the wrong one, that's completely finished.

From Readers Digest