family jokes

Q: How do you get a family photo taken if you can't afford to buy one?

A: Sit the family in the front seat and run a red light.

Two boys were talking and the one said to the other, “There is a easy way to get what you want.”

The other boy said, “How?” the boy replied, “Tell people you know their secret.”

The boy jumps up and runs to his dad, “I know your secret!” The dad replies, “Please don’t tell your mom here’s $10.”

The boy then runs to his mom, “I know your secret!” The mom said, “Please don’t tell your dad here’s $15.”

The boy then decides to try it on the mail man, “I know your secret!” The mail man opened his arms and said, “Come, give your dad a hug!”

The little boy was so excited because his mom told him he is getting a baby brother.

He repeated that to his teacher every day, when he came to school, “I’m getting a brother.”

One day his mom allowed him to feel the baby’s kicks in her belly. The next day he came to school and didn’t say anything to his teacher, so the teacher asked him, what happened to his brother.

He replied, “I think mommy ate him.”

A wife was making a breakfast of fried eggs for her husband. Suddenly, her husband burst into the kitchen.

"Careful,’ he said,‘ CAREFUL! Put in some more butter! Oh my gosh! You’re cooking too many at once. TOO MANY! Turn them! TURN THEM NOW! We need more butter. Oh my gosh! WHERE are we going to get MORE BUTTER? They’re going to STICK! Careful. CAREFUL! I said be CAREFUL! You NEVER listen to me when you’re cooking! Never! Turn them! Hurry up! Are you CRAZY? Have you LOST your mind? Don’t forget to salt them. You know you always forget to salt them. Use the! Salt. USE THE SALT! THE SALT!’

The wife stared at him. "What in the world is wrong with you? You think I don’t know how to fry a couple of eggs?"

The husband calmly replied, "I just wanted to show you what it feels like when I’m driving."