family jokes

It was an elegant dinner party and the hostess had left nothing to chance, except that a little water had splashed on the marble floor. And when the waiter came into the dining room carrying the beautiful roast suckling pig, he slipped and fell flat, sending the roast flying. “Don’t worry, Tomas,” said the hostess calmly. “Just take the roast back to the kitchen and bring out the other one.”

"Whom would you like to invite for your upcoming wedding ceremony?" Father asked his son
"All except you and mom" the Son replied
"But why" Father angrily shouted
"Had you bothered to invite me for your ceremony!" the Son pleaded.

A woman sent her son to get a tin of beans from the store. The boy went and found nobody at the store except the shopkeeper who was up the ladder filling up his shelves.
'Give me a tin of beans for my mother,' said the boy.
The keeper, from up there told him: 'Wait in the line.'
The boy looked around and saw nobody so he said again:
'Give me a tin of beans for my mum.'
The keeper said again: 'I told wait for your turn.'
The boy asked for the third time for the tin of beans.
'Can you see how many people there are before you? I said wait for your turn!'
The boy, who realizes he was being taken for ride, reached for a tin of peas from the lowest shelf and through it at the shopkeeper, hitting him in his forehead.
The Shopkeeper came down bleeding all over and said to the boy:
'See what you have done? You broke my head.'
'Good grief, of all these people you picked up on me?' said the boy and ran away home.

While living in Denver the weatherman said, expect 10 to 12 inches of snow tonight so park on the right side of the road so we can plow the left side. Willie’s wife ran out and parked on the right side. The next week the forecast called for another 10 to 12 inches of snow, but this time he said park on the left side. So Willie’s wife ran out and parked the car on the left side of the road. The following week he said 16 inches of snow expected park, the lights went out and all our power was lost. Willie’s wife said, my goodness, now I don’t know where to park the car. “Why don’t you just leave it in the garage!” Willie said.