family jokes

A schoolteacher's son brought his report card home. The father said, "Let's see what you have accomplished..."

He opens the report and to his dismay sees all bad grades. "What do you have to say about this Johnny?"

"Well dad, at least you know I'm not cheating!"

The other day I was talking to my six-year-old son, Mack. I was getting after him about his behavior. I said to him, "Mack do you know the difference between right and wrong"? He looked perplexed, so I followed "you know, like good and bad". To this he replied, "ya, like 1-800 and 1-900".

One evening as she was preparing dinner her 8-year-old son came down to the kitchen and he was crying hysterically. The loving mother bent down and said, "Honey what's wrong?" He said, "Mom, I just cleaned my room!" And she said, "Well, I'm very proud of you" "Why on earth would that make you cry?"
The eight year old looked up through his tears and said, "Because I still can't find my pet snake!"

Damien was being severely scolded by his father for fighting. "Now, Damien" said his angry father, "This will not do! You must learn that you can't have everything you want in this life. There must always be give and take."

"But there was Dad!" protested the aggressive youngster. "I gave him a black eye and took the apple!"