family jokes

The pastor preached about the beautiful kingdom of heaven and asked the congregation “how many of you would like to go to heaven from here?” everybody raised up their hands except a little lad sitting just in front of him “don't you want to go to heaven son?” he asked. “My mother seriously warned me not to go anywhere from here, but to come back home” replied the boy.

Child: Mom! Can I have a piece of your gum (Certs), please?
Mom: Sweetie. This is a breath freshener gum. It might be too strong for you.
Child: No it won't, Mom. See (while flexing his arm muscles), I have big muscles.

Joan and her neighbor are talking about their daughters, Joan says, my daughter is at the university. She’s very bright, you know. Every time we get a letter from her we have to go to the dictionary.
Her neighbor says you are lucky every time we hear from our daughter we have to go to the bank.

“Dad, the career counselor said that with a mind like mine I should study criminal law.”
“That is wonderful, son. I’m proud of you.”
“He said I had a criminal mind.”