family jokes

Why did the woman only change her baby’s diaper once a month?
On the package it read "good for up to 15 pounds"

The elderly gentleman was obviously enjoying the company of a beautiful young lady in a lively party, when his wife came up to him and said, in an unnecessarily loud voice, " Honey I hope you are not boring the poor child with anecdotes about your latest grandchild!"

The pastor preached about the beautiful kingdom of heaven and asked the congregation “how many of you would like to go to heaven from here?” everybody raised up their hands except a little lad sitting just in front of him “don't you want to go to heaven son?” he asked. “My mother seriously warned me not to go anywhere from here, but to come back home” replied the boy.

Child: Mom! Can I have a piece of your gum (Certs), please?
Mom: Sweetie. This is a breath freshener gum. It might be too strong for you.
Child: No it won't, Mom. See (while flexing his arm muscles), I have big muscles.