family jokes

The comments of a young mother: Before I got married, I had six theories about bringing up children. Now I have six children and no theories.

The physician writing out a prescription for his hypertensive cardiac patient: “Diazepam 5mg (tranquilizer) TDS".
The patient’s wife asks, "Doctor, when are these medicines to be given?"
Doctor: "These are to be taken by you. He needs rest"

Two buddies were having a chat. Said one, "You know, I can trace my ancestors up the Family Tree." The other responded," That's so? Well, far as l know, there are only two things that live on trees: Them's birds and monkeys, and I see that you ain't got no feathers."

Sardar Ji's wife was lying on her deathbed, and taking his hand lovingly in her own, she said " Sardar Ji, I want you to get married after I die, don’t mope around alone. But promise me you will not give my clothes to her. Keep them to remind you of our golden days together"
" No I won't " said the sardar" in any case Kalpana is a head taller than you"