family jokes

Dad I think the Smiths next door are angry at us.” “Why is that?”
“They’re probably mad because our dog can retrieve the newspaper, and theirs can’t.” “How could you possibly know that? We don’t even subscribe to the paper.” “Yeah, that’s probably got something to do with it, too.”

A Policeman came to my door yesterday and asked, “Where were you between four and six?” So I said, "Probably in kindergarten or first grade.”

Haven’t verified this on Snopes but it sounds legit.
A recent study found that women who carry a little extra weight live longer than the men who mention it.

Today, in the UK, the average man has 1.7 children.

I was told this fact by my 0.3 brother.