family jokes

Two men were having a conservation about their grandfathers.

One man says, "I was very upset when my grandpa died."

The other man asks him, "How'd he die?"

The first man responds by saying, "World War II."

The other man questions him further. "Died in battle?"

"No he was skiing in Vermont. It was just during World War II."

A teenage boy had just passed his driving test and inquired of his father as to when they could discuss his use of the car.

His father said he'd make a deal with his son, "You bring your grades up from a C to a B average, study your Bible a little, and get your bloody hair cut. Then we'll talk about the car."

The boy thought about that for a moment, decided, he'd
settle for the offer, and they agreed on it.

After about six weeks his father said, "Son, you've brought your grades up and I've observed that you have been studying your Bible, but I'm pissed off that you haven't had your hair cut."

The boy said, "You know, Dad, I've been thinking about that, and I've noticed in my studies of the Bible that Samson had long hair, John the Baptist had long hair, Moses had long hair, and there's even strong evidence that Jesus had long hair."

(You're going to love the Dad's reply!)

"Did you also notice they all walked everywhere they went?

All of his life George from Cape Breton had heard stories of an amazing family tradition. It seems that his father, grandfather and great-grandfather had all been able to walk on water on their 21st birthday. On that day, they'd walk across the lake to the boat club for their first legal drink.

So when George's 21st birthday came around, he and his pal Corky took a boat out to the middle of the lake. George stepped out of the boat and nearly drowned! Corky just managed to pull him to safety.

Furious and confused, George went to see his grandmother. "Grandma, it's my 21st birthday, so why can't I walk across the lake like my father, his father, and his father before him?"

Granny looked into George's eyes and said, "Because your father, grandfather and great grandfather were born in January, you were born in July."

Joey goes into a pharmacy and says to the pharmacist, "Hello, could you give me condom please? I'm going to my girlfriend's place for dinner and I think I may be getting lucky tonight."

The Pharmacist gives him the condom but as soon as he does Joey tells him, "Give me another condom because my girlfriends sister is also very cute too and always crosses her legs in a provocative manner when I am around, I think I might get lucky with her too."

The Pharmacist gives him another condom and as he was about to leave Joey returned and requested for a third.

"My girlfriend's mom is really cute and she always makes eye contact when I'm around and since she invited me for dinner I think she might be expecting me to make a move."

During the dinner Joey sits down with his girlfriend on the right, her sister on the left and her mom facing him. When the dad walks in. Joey lowers his and starts the dinner prayer.

"Dear Lord bless this dinner and thank you for all you've given us..." Ten minutes later Joey is still praying. His girlfriend now surprised gets close to him and whispers, "I didn't know you where this religious."

Joey with his head still bowed in prayer replied "I never knew your dad was a Pharmacist!"