family jokes

Joey goes into a pharmacy and says to the pharmacist, "Hello, could you give me condom please? I'm going to my girlfriend's place for dinner and I think I may be getting lucky tonight."

The Pharmacist gives him the condom but as soon as he does Joey tells him, "Give me another condom because my girlfriends sister is also very cute too and always crosses her legs in a provocative manner when I am around, I think I might get lucky with her too."

The Pharmacist gives him another condom and as he was about to leave Joey returned and requested for a third.

"My girlfriend's mom is really cute and she always makes eye contact when I'm around and since she invited me for dinner I think she might be expecting me to make a move."

During the dinner Joey sits down with his girlfriend on the right, her sister on the left and her mom facing him. When the dad walks in. Joey lowers his and starts the dinner prayer.

"Dear Lord bless this dinner and thank you for all you've given us..." Ten minutes later Joey is still praying. His girlfriend now surprised gets close to him and whispers, "I didn't know you where this religious."

Joey with his head still bowed in prayer replied "I never knew your dad was a Pharmacist!"

Ron was almost 29 years old. Most of his friends were already married while Ron just bounced from one relationship to the next.

Finally a friend asked him, "What's the matter, are you looking for the perfect woman? Are you THAT particular? Can't you find anyone who suits you?"

"No," Ron replied. "I meet a lot of nice women, but as soon as I bring them home to meet my parents, my mother doesn't like them. So I keep on looking!"

"Listen," his friend suggested, "Why don't you find one who's just like your dear ol' Mother?"

Many weeks passed before Ron and his friend crossed paths again.

"So Ron. Did you find the perfect woman yet? One that's just like your Mother?"

Ron shrugged his shoulders, "Yes I found one just like Mom. My mother loved her, they became great friends."

"Excellent!!! So... Are you and this girl engaged yet?"

"I'm afraid not," Ron replied, "My Father can't stand her!"

A husband had been away for a few months and had a romantic evening planned for he and his wife. He sent the two older kids to the movies but could not persuade the youngest boy to go along.

Finally he makes a deal with the boy. If the boy will go sit on the curb in front of their house, the father will give the boy 5 bucks for every man he sees go by in a red hat.

A while later the little boy comes running into the house and bangs on the bedroom door and shouts: "Dad, if you think you're getting screwed in there, you'd better come outside, 'cause there's a Shriner's convention going past."

An uneducated father with his educated son went on a camping trip. They set up their tent and fell asleep. Some hours later, the father woke up his son.

Father: Look up to the sky and tell me what you see.

Son: I see millions of stars...

Father: And what does that tell you?

Son: Astronomically, it tells me that, there are millions of galaxies and planets out there!

Father slaps the son hard on his hand and says, "Idiot, someone has stolen our tent!"