family jokes

The only contest I ever won in my family was eating the most paint chips!

Most loving mothers change many smelly diapers. Every day.

Yet, they absolutely lose it when their husbands pass gas.

Go figure.

A cruise ship full of Mother-in-Laws was heading towards Hawaii for a week when their ship capsized killing everyone. Their families cried for a for a whole week. But after 3 weeks one man was still crying, so the people asked him what was wrong? Why are you still crying? The man replies, "My Mother-in-Law missed the darn boat!

The man of the house was getting frustrated with his yard. The grass just wasn't growing, wasn't green and lush like he had expected. He tried weed-n-feed, extra watering, and reseeding. His grass just wouldn't grow. The angry man sat down in the middle of his yard, and yelled out, "Why aren't you happy, grass, I've done everything for you!"

The grass replied, "Because I'm just not in the mood, dude. Don't you know what I am? I am crab grass! Now leave me alone. I am really not in the mood!"