The man of the house was getting frustrated with his yard. The grass just wasn't growing, wasn't green and lush like he had expected. He tried weed-n-feed, extra watering, and reseeding. His grass just wouldn't grow. The angry man sat down in the middle of his yard, and yelled out, "Why aren't you happy, grass, I've done everything for you!"
The grass replied, "Because I'm just not in the mood, dude. Don't you know what I am? I am crab grass! Now leave me alone. I am really not in the mood!"
A son of two parents found out a way to get money from almost anyone. He first went up to his mom said, "I know your secret." She said, "Here is 20 bucks, don't tell anyone."
He then went up to his dad and said, "I know your secret." He said, "Here is 20 bucks, don't tell anyone."
He saw the mailman and ran up to him and said, "I know your secret." The mailman said, "Here is 20 bucks, now get in the truck, son."
This guy has four daughters who all live at home. One Friday night, the doorbell rings. The first kid at the door says, "I'm Eddie, I'm here to pick up Betty. We're going for spaghetti, is she ready?" The father, mildly amused, answers, "Yes."
The second kid comes to the door and says, "I'm Joe, I'm here to pick up Flo to take her to the show. Is she ready to go?" The guy, now perplexed, answers, "Yes."
A few minutes later, the doorbell rings again. A kid says, 'Hi, I'm Jim. I'm here to see Kim. We're gonna go for a swim. Can I come in?' The guy, becoming annoyed, answers, "Yes."
The doorbell rings one more time, and a kid standing there says, "Hi, I'm Chuck . . . "
The father shot him.