family jokes

Category: "Family Jokes"
0 votes

It's the only type of cooking a "real" man will do. When a man volunteers to do such cooking, the following sequence of events takes place:

1. The woman goes to the market to buy the food.
2. The woman fixes the salad, vegetables, and dessert.
3. The woman prepares the meat for cooking, places it on a tray along with the necessary cooking utensils, and takes it to the man, who is lounging beside the grill, drinking a beer.
4. The man places the meat on the grill.
5. The woman goes inside to set the table and check the vegetables.
6. The woman comes out to tell the man that the meat is burning.
7. The man takes the meat off the grill and hands it to the woman.
8. The woman prepares the plates and brings them to the table.
9. After eating, the woman clears the table and does the dishes.
10. The man asks the woman how she enjoyed "her night off".

And, upon seeing her annoyed reaction, concludes that there's just no pleasing some women.

0 votes

CATEGORY Family Jokes
posted by "HENNE" |
1 votes

The first guy said, “My wife, she thinks so much of me that she won’t let me do any work around the house. It’s incredible.”

The second guy says, “That’s nothing. My wife thinks I’m God.”

“She thinks you’re God? What makes you say that?”

“Every night at dinner time, she places a burnt offering before me.”

1 votes

CATEGORY Family Jokes
posted by "HENNE" |
1 votes

A man called his mother in Florida. "Mom, how are you?"

"Not too good," said the mother. "I've been very weak."

The son said, "Why are you so weak?"

She said, "Because I haven't eaten in 38 days."

The son said, "That's terrible. Why haven't you eaten in 38 days?"

The mother answered, "Because I didn't want my mouth to be filled with food if you should call."

1 votes

CATEGORY Family Jokes
posted by "HENNE" |
2 votes

Dear Son,

I'm writing this letter slow, because I know you can't read fast. We don't live where we did when you left home. Your dad read in the paper that most accidents happen 20 miles from your home, so we moved. I won't be able to send you the address as the last people who stayed here took the numbers with them for their next house, so they wouldn't have to change their address.

This place is really nice. It even has a washing machine. I'm not sure it works too well: last week I put in 3 shirts, pulled the chain and haven't seen them since. The weather here isn't too bad. It rained only twice last week. The first it rained for 3 days and second time for 4 days.

The coat you wanted me to send you, your Aunt said it would be a little too heavy to send in the mail with all the buttons, so we cut them off and put them in the pocket. We got another bill from the funeral home. It said that if we don't make the last payment on Grandma's funeral, she will come up again.

Your father has another job. He has 500 men under him. He is cutting the grass at the cemetery. Your sister had a baby this morning. I haven't found out whether it's a girl or a boy, so I don't know whether you are an Aunt or Uncle.

Your uncle, Jatinder fell in a whisky vat. Some men tried to pull him out, but he fought them off and drowned. We cremated him and he burned for three days. Three of your friends went off the bridge in a pick-up truck. One was driving, the other two were in the back. The driver got out, he rolled
down the window and swam to safety. The other drowned because they couldn't get the tail gate down.

There isn't much more news this time. Nothing much has happened.

Love,
Mom
P.S. I was going to send you some money but the envelope was already sealed.

2 votes

CATEGORY Family Jokes
posted by "HENNE" |