family jokes
Favorite this joke The father of five children had won a toy at a raffle. He called his kids together to ask which one should have the present.
“Who is the most obedient?” he asked. “Who never talks back to mother? Who does everything she says?”
Five small voices answered in unison. “Okay, dad, you get the toy.”
Texting acronyms can stump even the best of moms:
Mom: Your great-aunt just passed away. LOL.
Son: Why is that funny?
Mom: It’s not funny, David! What do you mean?
Son: Mom, LOL means Laughing Out Loud.
Mom: I thought it meant Lots of Love. I have to call everyone back.
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Daughter: I got an A in Chemistry.
Mom: WTF!
Daughter: Mom, what do you think WTF means?
Mom: Well That’s Fantastic.
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Mom: What do IDK, LY & TTYL mean?
Son: I don’t know, love you, talk to you later.
Mom: Okay, I will ask your sister.
I got my first full-time job, but I could have sworn I was making more money in college while working for my parents as their daughter.
My three-year-old daughter stuck out her hand and said, “Look at the fly I killed, Mommy.”
Since she was eating a juicy pickle at the time, I thrust her contaminated hands under the faucet and washed them with antibacterial soap. After sitting her down to finish her pickle, I asked, with a touch of awe, “How did you kill that fly all by yourself?”
Between bites, she said, “I hit it with my pickle.”
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