family jokes

(Grandson) Grandpa, I have some advice for you.

(Grandfather) Son, at your age you need to be listening more than advising.

(Grandson) Okay Grandpa, just thought you might want to know your shoe is too close the campfire and it just burst into flames.

Jim: My older brother Dave crashed his car into a tree going forty miles an hour.

Troy: Wow! I didn't know trees could move that fast!

"Why is Dad never home?" the 16 year old girl asked her mother.

"Well, dear, he has taken a second job so that you can have iPads, mobile phone, a TV in your room, club memberships, cosmetics, trendy clothes . . . he does it all for you, so his beautiful girl doesn't miss out on a thing."

"Wow," the teenager replied thoughtfully, "that's really very selfish of him, isn't it?"

Mom: Hi.
Son: I'm in a meeting....BRB.

Mom: BRB means????
Son: Be Right back.

Mom: Okay, IAW.
Son: IAW?

Mom: I Am Waiting.
Son: That's not an abbreviation mom!

Mom: Why? Only you can make one? Who do you think you are? I can make one up too.