family jokes

A small boy is sent to bed by his mother. Five minutes later, "Mom."

"What?"

"I'm thirsty. Can you bring me a glass of water?"

"No. You had your chance. Lights out."

[Five minutes later] "Mom."

"What?"

"I'm thirsty. Can I please have a glass of water?"

"I told you no! If you ask again, I'll have to spank you!"

[Five minutes later] "Mom!"

"WHAT?!"

"When you come in to spank me, can you bring me a glass of water?"

There are three sisters stranded on a island. They live there until they run out of food. They decide to try to swim to the next island but it is 100 miles away.

The oldest sister swims the first 15 miles, gets tired, and swims back. The middle one swims the first 25 miles, gets tired, and swims back.

The youngest sister, and not the smartest one, swims the first 50 miles, gets tired, and swims back.

A man and his wife are relaxing at home when the phone rings. She answers and within a minute is sobbing. After she hangs up, her hubby gently holds her and asks what's wrong.

She replies that her mother has died. He finally gets her calmed down and the phone rings again. She answers and starts crying again.

She turns to her hubby and manages to choke out, "Honey, it's my sister and you won't believe this, but her mother died too!"