John was dozing against a tree with his fishing rod in the water. His friend came by and looked at the line. “You don’t have any bait on the hook,” he said.
“It’s too much trouble to clean the fish if I caught one,” replied John.
His friend said, “John, you are the laziest man I know. What you need is a wife and a family.”
John opened his eyes and said, “Do you know where I can find a pregnant woman?”
When I returned home from college for a break, I noticed a paper posted on the refrigerator. It listed some goals my dad had set for himself: Help wife more; lose weight; be more productive at work.
I promptly added: "Send Michelle money every month."
A few days later my brother wrote: "Make payments on car for Jason."
Then my boyfriend joined in with: "Buy Tom a Jeep."
Finally my father added a new goal to his amended list: "Wean kids."
My husband and I both work, so our family eats out a lot.
Recently, when we were having a rare home-cooked meal, I handed a glass to my three-year-old and told her to drink her milk.
She looked at me bewildered and replied, "But I didn’t order milk."