I saw a man stealing groceries the other day while on the shoulders of a couple of vampires.

He got charged with shoplifting on two counts.

An Englishman, a Frenchman, a Spaniard, and a German are all watching a dolphin do some excellent tricks.

The dolphin notices that the four gentlemen have a very poor view, so he jumps higher out of the water and calls out, "Can you all see me now?"

And they respond: "Yes." "Oui." "Sí." "Ja."

Lawyer: "Is it a crime to throw sodium in your enemy's eyes?"

Judge: "Yes, that's assault."

Lawyer: "I know it's a salt but is it a crime?"

Two monsters went to a Halloween party. Suddenly one said to the other, "A lady just rolled her eyes at me. What should I do?"

The other monster replied, "Be a gentleman and roll them back to her."