Lawyer: "Is it a crime to throw sodium in your enemy's eyes?"

Judge: "Yes, that's assault."

Lawyer: "I know it's a salt but is it a crime?"

Two monsters went to a Halloween party. Suddenly one said to the other, "A lady just rolled her eyes at me. What should I do?"

The other monster replied, "Be a gentleman and roll them back to her."

One day at a local clinic, the doctor is outraged to see that he has no patients to examine. So he called his assistant to ask what happened.

His assistant replied, "I asked the patients if they are feeling okay, and they said 'no', so I told them to go home and get plenty of rest!"

My husband was water-skiing when he fell into the river. As the boat circled to pick him up, he noticed a hunter sitting in a duck boat in the reeds.

My husband put his hands in the air and joked, “Don’t shoot!”

The hunter responded, “Don’t quack.”