I saw a man stealing groceries the other day while on the shoulders of a couple of vampires.
He got charged with shoplifting on two counts.
An Englishman, a Frenchman, a Spaniard, and a German are all watching a dolphin do some excellent tricks.
The dolphin notices that the four gentlemen have a very poor view, so he jumps higher out of the water and calls out, "Can you all see me now?"
And they respond: "Yes." "Oui." "Sí." "Ja."
Lawyer: "Is it a crime to throw sodium in your enemy's eyes?"
Judge: "Yes, that's assault."
Lawyer: "I know it's a salt but is it a crime?"
Two monsters went to a Halloween party. Suddenly one said to the other, "A lady just rolled her eyes at me. What should I do?"
The other monster replied, "Be a gentleman and roll them back to her."