I was enjoying the second week of a two-week vacation the same way I had enjoyed the first week: by doing as little as possible.
I ignored my wife's not-so-subtle hints about completing certain jobs around the house, but I didn't realize how much this bothered her until the clothes dryer refused to work, the iron shorted, and the sewing machine motor burned out in the middle of a seam. The final straw came when she plugged in the vacuum cleaner and nothing happened.
She looked so stricken that I had to offer some consolation. "That's okay, honey," I said, "you still have me."
She looked up at me with tears in her eyes. "Yes," she wailed, "but you don't work either!"
Daughter: "Mom, can you lend me $100?"
Mother: "What? Do you think I have $50? Don't you know it's hard to earn $20? Even $10 I don't have. Luckily I keep $5 in my purse. How about I lend you $2?"
Daughter: "Give it to me quickly. It might come down to $1."
A husband who has been working out as per his new years resolution says to his wife, "Honey, I think I took on too much for a beginner. I've decided to break up my workout."
"Oh?" his wife asked, "How's the new work-out divided up?"
The husband confidently replied, "Half for you and half for me."