family jokes
Favorite this joke "Peter!" his mother scolded. "There were two cookies in the pantry this morning but now there's only one! Do you have an explanation?"
Peter replied, "It must have been too dark and I didn't see the other one."
I was enjoying the second week of a two-week vacation the same way I had enjoyed the first week: by doing as little as possible.
I ignored my wife's not-so-subtle hints about completing certain jobs around the house, but I didn't realize how much this bothered her until the clothes dryer refused to work, the iron shorted, and the sewing machine motor burned out in the middle of a seam. The final straw came when she plugged in the vacuum cleaner and nothing happened.
She looked so stricken that I had to offer some consolation. "That's okay, honey," I said, "you still have me."
She looked up at me with tears in her eyes. "Yes," she wailed, "but you don't work either!"
Daughter: "Mom, can you lend me $100?"
Mother: "What? Do you think I have $50? Don't you know it's hard to earn $20? Even $10 I don't have. Luckily I keep $5 in my purse. How about I lend you $2?"
Daughter: "Give it to me quickly. It might come down to $1."
A husband who has been working out as per his new years resolution says to his wife, "Honey, I think I took on too much for a beginner. I've decided to break up my workout."
"Oh?" his wife asked, "How's the new work-out divided up?"
The husband confidently replied, "Half for you and half for me."
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