Doctor: "Have you been drinking fluids?"
Patient: "Jeez, Doc, that's literally all I drink."
Customer: "Excuse me waiter, this coffee tastes like mud."
Waiter: "Yes sir, it's fresh ground."
JOHNNY: "Say Mom, was our baby sent down from heaven?"
MOTHER: "Yes, son."
JOHNNY: "I guess they like to have things quiet up there, huh?"
What kind of cheese can you take to church?
Swiss cheese, it's holey!