After waiting in the hospital the nurse approached and inquired of the father, "What do you want? A boy or girl?"
The father replied, "A boy!"
The nurse said, "Well this time you got a girl."
"That's okay," said the father, being very reflective. "That was my second choice."
A henpecked man got tired of his wife constantly picking on him, so he started playing poker on Friday nights with his buddies just to get some relief. After he came home she'd start right in on him again.
After several weeks went by, he came home early one Friday night about 9:30. His wife asked him how come he was home early. He told her, "You need to pack your bags and go to Herb's house, I lost you to him in the card game tonight."
His wife became furious and started to give him hell. She said, "Just how could you do such a thing!?"
He replied, "It was the hardest thing I ever done... I had to fold with king hi four aces."
The mathematics professor noticed that one of his pupils was going from day-dreaming to sleep and back. He was oblivious and not following the instructions on the chalk board.
To recall his attention the professor said sharply: "Brown, Brown, board!"
Brown, startled looked up and replied, "Yes sir, very much."
My uncle, known for his heavy foot, was stopped by high patrol for driving 88 miles per hour in a 60 miles per hour zone.
Uncle: "Officer, was I driving too fast."
Officer: "No, I'm not giving you a speeding ticket. I'm ticketing you for flying too low without a pilot's license."