A girl walked into a bar and said to the barman, "Bud light please."
He said, "Are you 18?"
She said, "No."
He said, "I can't serve you then."
As I walked out I thought to myself, "This is the fourth bar i have been in today. What does a 22 year old have to do to get a beer around here?"
They decided that they wanted to reveal the gender of the baby at our family reunion of about 40 people.
That night, after just finishing up a BBQ, my brother and his wife stand up and announce to the family that they are going to have a little baby girl. Everyone starts cheering, naturally and once the cheers die down a little I shout out, “Do you have a name for the baby yet?”
My brother replies, “Yeah. Landa Noelle.”
Everyone starts to “Ooohhh” and “Ahhhh” and proclaim how pretty of a name it is.
Then after a moment I shout, “How the heck are you supposed to spell Landa with no L?”
On a beautiful sunny Saturday afternoon my buddy and I stood on the first tee of our Golf Club. He had just pulled out his driver when a young woman in a wedding dress came running up to him, crying.
She slaps him in the face, turns, and runs away.
My buddy turns to me and says calmly, "I don't know what her problem is. I distinctly told her only if it rained."
To increase his tips the local bartender posted the following:
PHONE NOTIFICATION FEES (ADD $1.00 TO INSERT NAME)
$1.00 HE NOT HERE!
$2.00 ON HIS WAY OUT!
$3.00 HE JUST LEFT!
$4.00 HAVEN'T SEEN HIM ALL DAY!
PAY BARTENDER UPON ARRIVAL AT BAR.