One night while I was watching TV, I got a call from a strange number. Before I could react, my wife reached over, grabbed my phone and answered it.

"Honey," a sweet woman's voice came from my phone, "why haven't you been coming over lately?"

My wife got so angry that she started making a scene. In order to calm her down, I had no other choice but to go shopping with her and bought the bag she had been wanting. When we got home, my wife went inside and left her phone outside in the car. I was just about to bring it in to her when the phone buzzed. A new message appeared on the screen...

"Did you get that bag?"

Teacher: "How do you keep your old car running better?"

Student: "Check the prices of a new car regularly."

"Dad," I said to my father on Father's Day, "it's Father's Day today! As a gift, I want to take you and mom out for a great day!"

"Thank you, my son," said my father, taking a deep draw from his cigarette. "If you really want to get me a gift, just take your mom out for the whole day."

I was talking with my best friend the other day, and we talked about a very beautiful girl who was married to a very rich yet very ugly man.

"What a pity!" she said.

"Why?" I asked.

"It's a pity I wasn't the bride," she said with a deep sigh.