Bill invites his family over for dinner one evening. As they sit at the table, the family notice that the plates don't seem very clean. "Pardon me, son," his mother asks. "But have these plates been washed?"
"Why, yes," Bill replies. "They're as clean as soap and water could get them." The family is skeptical but go ahead and eat the dinner; despite the state of the plates, the food is delicious.
After dinner is over, Bill takes the plates and sets them on the floor; he then turns to the doorway, whistles and calls, "Here, Soap! Here, Water!"
A little boy was sitting in the lunch room with his friend. He unwrapped his sandwich and said, “Peanut butter!”
The next day, with the same little friend, opening his sandwich, he said, “Would you look at that, peanut butter again.” But he got it down.
The third day, “Can you believe it. Three days in a roll, peanut butter again!”
The boy’s little friend said, “Why don’t you tell your mother to stop making those peanut butter sandwiches and fix you something different?”
He said, “Now, don’t you talk about my mother like that. I make these sandwiches myself.”
My wife was upset when she told me she had failed her driving test.
I said, "Oh no, what did they pull you up on?"
My wife replied, "A rope. The car's still in the canal."
A man visiting his neighbor's house is shocked to see their little boy pounding nails into their expensive coffee table. "How can you afford to let your son do that?" he asked his host.
"Oh, it's really no issue," the host replied. "I get the nails cheap."