Ferne Southern said she was staying with her 8-year-old granddaughter, Brooke, while her parents were out of town.
Brooke was delaying bedtime, as usual, so her grandmother told her about counting sheep to fall asleep.
The 8-year-old thought that was a good idea. Everything was quiet for a while. But just as grandmother was dozing off, a voice sounded:
"There are 38."
A couple just started their Lamaze class and they were given an activity requiring the husband to wear a bag of sand - to give him an idea of what it feels like to be pregnant. The husband stood up and shrugged saying, "This doesn't feel so bad."
The instructor then dropped a pen and asked the husband to pick it up.
"You want me to pick up the pen as if I were pregnant, the way my wife would do it?" the husband asked.
"Exactly," replied the instructor.
To the delight of the other husbands, he turned to his wife and said, "Honey, pick up that pen up for me."
Last Saturday night me and my date watched a movie at my house. I leaned over and kissed her for the first time.
She instantly remarked, "You must be the one, I heard trumpets sound when we kissed."
Now I'm hoping she doesn't find out it was my little brother downstairs practicing for band.
Do you know why baby diapers have brand names like Luvs, Huggies and Pampers while undergarments for old people are called Depends?
Well, here is the reason...
When babies soil their pants, people are still going to Luv"em, Hug'em, and Pamper'em.
When old people soil their pants, it Depends on who's in the will!