Last Saturday night me and my date watched a movie at my house. I leaned over and kissed her for the first time.
She instantly remarked, "You must be the one, I heard trumpets sound when we kissed."
Now I'm hoping she doesn't find out it was my little brother downstairs practicing for band.
Do you know why baby diapers have brand names like Luvs, Huggies and Pampers while undergarments for old people are called Depends?
Well, here is the reason...
When babies soil their pants, people are still going to Luv"em, Hug'em, and Pamper'em.
When old people soil their pants, it Depends on who's in the will!
Five year old Little Frankie got a new pair of shoes. His father said, "Frankie you can't get in the mud puddles with these new shoes."
Frankie's father watches as Frankie bounds out the front door, goes to the nearest large mud puddle and stomps in many times. Frankie runs back into the house with a grin from ear to ear proclaiming, "Oh yes, you can!"
My dear friend, a divorcee, never remarried, and her daughter wanted to know why.
"The men I know would bring too much heavy baggage to the marriage and I simply don't want to put up with it," she explained.
Taking her mother's hand in hers, my friend's daughter said sweetly, "I hate to break the news to you, Mom, but you're not exactly carry-on yourself."