When I was a boy, I had a disease that required me to eat dirt three times a day in order to survive.

It's a good thing my older brother told me about it.

What do you call a number that can't keep still?

A roamin' numeral.

Your veterinarian won't tell you this but if your dog is running a fever, go to the store and buy some mustard.

It's the best thing for a hot dog.