Dad to his son: “Do you want to hear a really good Batman impression?!”
Son: “Go on, then.”
Dad growls: “NOOOOO, NOT THE KRYPTONITE!”
Son: “Dad, that’s Superman!”
Dad: “Thanks, I’ve been practicing a lot.”
"Dad," said Little Johnny, "I'm late for football practice. Would you please do my homework for me?"
Little Johnny's father said irately, "Son, it just wouldn't be right."
"That's okay," replied Little Johnny. "You could at least give it a try, couldn't you?"
Scene: With a patient in my medical exam room
Me: How old are your kids?
Patient: 44 and 39 with my wife who passed away, and 15 and 13 with my second wife.
Me: That’s quite the age difference!
Patient: Well, the older ones didn’t give me any grandkids, so I made my own.
A woman was taking care of a neighbor's little girl one morning. She arrived in time for breakfast and sat down at the table. "Mommy always makes me hot muffins for breakfast," the girl said.
Eager to please, the woman went into the kitchen and prepared a tine of hot, fresh muffins.
"No thank you," the girl said when they were brought to her.
The surprised woman replied, "I thought you said your mother always has muffins for breakfast?"
"She does, but I don't eat them."