family jokes

Before rushing to work, I prepared a casserole for that evening's dinner and put it in the fridge. As I turned to leave, I told my son to stick it in the oven when he got home from school. "Make sure to put it in at 350," I said.

"Sorry, can't," he replied. "I don't get home until quarter after four."

Sally was telling her sister Jane about their sister in law, Candice, was recovering in the hospital following a car accident.

Sally said, "Candice told me that someone up there really loves her."

Jane, scoffing, replied, "No one could even like Candice. It's more like someone up there didn't want her."

My wife asked if she could have a little peace and quiet while she cooked dinner.

So I took the battery out of the smoke detector.