family jokes

My husband is wonderful with our baby daughter, but often turns to me for advice. Recently I was in the shower when he poked his head in to ask, "What should I feed Lily for lunch?"

"That's up to you," I replied. "There's all kinds of food. Why don't you pretend I'm not home?"

A few minutes later, my cell phone rang. I answered it to hear my husband saying, "Yeah, hi, honey. Uh…what should I feed Lily for lunch?"

Son: Why is my sister’s name Paris?

Dad: Because we conceived her in Paris.

Son: Thanks dad.

Dad: No problem Quarantine.

The son has finally saved enough money to buy his own house. It is just a few houses down the road from where his parents still live.

On the day he moves in he invites some friends over, turns On the music and drinking a few beers. As the son was making his toast and said, "I don't have to listen to my parents anymore", the phone rings. He goes inside to answer and is silent when he rejoins the party.

"Who was that?" ask one of the guests.

"Well," replied the son. "It was my father telling me to turn down the music as there are people in the neighborhood that are trying to sleep."