family jokes

My wife said that my granddaughter has me wrapped around her little finger.

I said, "That's not true. I said 'no' to her just yesterday."

"What did she ask you?"

"She asked me if there was anything I wouldn't give her."

I decided to do research on my ancestry and went to a genealogy professional.

First question: "Have you any poor relations?"

"Not any that I know."

Second question: "Have you any rich relations?"

"Not any that know me."

One day, after a man had his annual physical, the doctor came out and said, "You had a great checkup. Is there anything that you'd like to talk about or ask me?"

"Well," he said, "I was thinking about getting a vasectomy."

"That's a pretty big decision. Have you talked it over with your family?"

"Yeah, and they're in favor 12 to 1."