I read the mass chicken farms pump chickens full of antibiotics.

Well, that would at least explain why chicken soup is so good when you have a cold.

Wife: Darling, it was such a hard day. Would you tell me the three magical words that always make me so happy?

Husband: You are right.

Wife: Very funny, no, the other ones.

Husband: I was wrong.

Judge asks the defendant, “Why did you steal that car, Mr. Jones?”

Mr. Jones looks down, “I just had to get to work for an important meeting.”

The judge keeps asking, “Well why didn’t you take a bus?”

Mr. Jones looks up, surprised, “Don’t you need a special license to drive the bus?”