A manager announces to his staff, “I’ve lost a wallet with 500 dollars, if you find it, I’m offering a 100 dollars finder’s fee!”

A voice in the background says, “I’m offering 200!”

Girlfriend: "One day I will marry and a lot of men will be sad that day."

Boyfriend: "Wow, how many men do you plan to marry?"

Forget about the past, you can’t change it.

Forget about the future, you can’t predict it.

Forget about the present, I didn’t get you one.

Michelle: I hear you broke off your engagement to Rob. Why?

Irina: It's just that my feelings toward him weren't the same any more.

Michelle: Are you returning the ring?

Irina: No way! My feelings toward the ring haven't changed one bit!