Benjones Profile

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Benjones

User Details

Member Since : May, 2018
# of jokes posted : 330
# of followers : 5
# of following: 3
eligible jokes to win : 1
Location: United States
won: $ 645.00
$15.00 won 9 votes

While visiting a country school, the chairman of the Board Of Education became provoked at the noise the unruly students were making in the next room.

Angrily, he opened the door and grabbed one of the taller boys who seemed to be doing most of the talking. He dragged the boy to the next room and stood him in the corner.

A few minutes later, a small boy stuck his head in the room and pleaded, “Please, sir, may we have our teacher back?”

9 votes

CATEGORY School Jokes
Joke Won 3rd Place won $15.00
posted by "Benjones" |
$6.00 won 2 votes

It was August and the Indians on a remote reservation asked their new Chief if the coming winter was going to be cold or mild. Since he was a Chief in a modern society he had never been taught he old secrets. When he looked at the sky he couldn't tell what the winter was going to be like. 

Nevertheless, to be on the safe side he told his tribe that the winter was indeed going to be cold and that the members of the village should collect firewood to be prepared. 

But being a practical leader, after several days he got an idea. He went to the phone booth, called the National Weather Service and asked, "Is the coming winter going to be cold?" 

"It looks like this winter is going to be quite cold," the meteorologist at the weather service responded. 

So the Chief went back to his people and told them to collect even more firewood in order to be prepared. 

A week later he called the National Weather Service again. "Does it still look like it is going to be a very cold winter?" 

"Yes," the man at National Weather Service again replied, "it's going to be a very very cold winter." 

The Chief again went back to his people and ordered them to collect every scrap of firewood they could. The new chief every week or so calls the National Weather Service and receives the same answer. "How can you be so sure?" the Chief asked.

The weatherman replied, "We're sure it's going to be cold because the Indians are collecting firewood like crazy!"

2 votes

CATEGORY Misc Jokes
Joke Won 9th Place won $6.00
posted by "Benjones" |
$15.00 won 8 votes

10 reasons you might be an artist:

10) You were more concerned about the color of your car than the fuel consumption.
9) The highlights in your hair are from your palette and not Clairol.
8) You are having lunch with the girls and the fragrance you wear is eau d'linseed oil.
7) The only piece of new furniture you have in your home is a $2000 easel.
6) You butter your toast with your fingers, just to feel its texture.
5) You talk about going to a show where the pictures don't move.
4) You know what shade of green the lichen on the trees is.
3) You can't find a nice outfit for your date because everything has paint smears on.
2) Your date ends up with paint smears on her/him.

And the final reason you might be an artist...

#1) If you are over age 50 and still have no health insurance.

8 votes

Joke Won 3rd Place won $15.00
posted by "Benjones" |
$10.00 won 7 votes

One day, the horse became very ill and he called the veterinarian, who said, "Well, your horse has a virus. He must take this medicine for three days. I'll come back on the 3rd day and if he's not better, we're going to have to put him to sleep."

Nearby, the goat listened closely to their conversation. The next day, the Vet gave him the medicine and left. The goat approached the horse and said, "Be strong, friend. Get up or else they're going to put you to sleep!"

On the second day, the doc again gave him the medicine and left. The goat came back and said, "Come on buddy, get up or else you're going to die! Come on, I'll help you get up. Let's go! One, two, three..."

The poor horse wouldn't get up. On the third day, the Vet gave one look at the horse and said, "Unfortunately, we're going to have to put him down tomorrow. Otherwise, the virus might spread and infect the other horses."

After they left, the goat approached the horse and said, "Listen pal, it's now or never! Get up, come on! Have courage! Come on! Get up! Get up! That's it, slowly! Great! Come on, one, two, three... Good, good. Now faster, come on...... Fantastic! Run, run more! Yes! Yay! Yes! You did it, you're a champion!!!"

All of a sudden, the owner came back to the farm, saw the horse running on the field. Not aware of the goats role in this he began shouting, "It's a miracle! My horse is cured. We must have a Grand celebration... LET'S COOK THE GOAT!"

7 votes

CATEGORY Animal Jokes
Joke Won 5th Place won $10.00
posted by "Benjones" |