It was very crowded at the supermarket, and the customer in front of me had a large order.
As the harried-looking clerk lifted the final bag for her, its bottom gave way, sending the contents crashing to the floor.
"They just don't make these bags like they used to," the clerk quipped to the customer. "That was supposed to happen in your driveway."
Mother had decided to trim her household budget wherever possible, so instead of having a dress dry-cleaned she washed it by hand.
Proud of her savings, she boasted to my father, "Just think, Fred, we are five dollars richer because I washed this dress by hand."
"Good," my dad quickly replied. "Wash it again!"
During the historic first manned mission to Mars, two Astronauts were charting the Martian surface.
"Look at that," said one to the other, "how beautiful this alien landscape is, untouched by man."
At that point, he was cut off, as he found his radio communications knocked out by unknown interference. They followed the source of the interference until they reached the rim of a crater. "Do you see what the source of that noise is?" asked the first astronaut.
"I don't know," said the second, "but it might be coming from that Starbucks behind you."
- The aging process could be slowed down if it had to work its way through Congress.
- You're getting old when you're sitting in a rocker and you can't get it started.
- You're getting old when you wake up with that morning-after feeling, and you didn't do anything the night before.
- The cardiologist's diet... if it tastes good, spit it out.
- You know you're getting old when you stop buying green bananas.
- When you lean over to pick something up off the floor, you ask yourself if there is anything else you need to do while you are down there.