Judi tried to sell her old car. She was having a lot of problems selling it because the car had 250,000 miles. One day, she told her problem to a friend she worked with at a salon. Her friend told her, "There is a possibility to make the car easier to sell, but it's not legal."
"That doesn't matter," replied Judi, "as long as I can sell the car."
"Okay," said Judi's friend. "Here is the address of a friend of mine. He owns a car repair shop. Tell him I sent you and he will turn the counter in your car back to 50,000 miles. Then it should not be a problem to sell your car anymore."
The following weekend, Judi made the trip to the mechanic. Two weeks later the friend asked Judi, "Did you sell your car?"
"No," replied Judi, "why should I? It only has 50,000 miles on it!"
We are 10 days into self-isolation and it is really upsetting me to witness my wife standing at the living room window gazing aimlessly into space with tears running down her cheeks.
It breaks my heart to see her like this. I have thought very hard about how I can cheer her up. I have even considered letting her in - but rules are rules.
An American visiting in England asked at the hotel for the elevator.
The portiere looked a bit confused but smiled when he realized what the man wanted.
"You must mean the lift," he said.
"No," the American responded. "If I ask for the elevator I mean the elevator."
"Well," the portiere answered, "over here we call them lifts".
"Now you listen", the American said rather irritated, "someone in America invented the elevator."
"Oh, right you are sir," the portiere said in a polite tone, "but someone here in England invented the language."
Two women who had just met at a health spa were talking about their lifestyles and how they hope to stay healthy. One asked the other to detail her daily routine.
“I eat moderately,” she replied, “I exercise moderately, I drink moderately, and I live moderately.”
“Is there anything else you do?” her new friend asked.
“Yes,” she said, “I lie extensively.”