family jokes

After numerous attempts to get our 5 year old into bed, we had settled down for the evening, only to see him coming out of his room again.

His mother, now a little irritated at this last escape, asked, "Why are you out of your room?"

Our 5 year old just looked at his mother and stated, "Poop don't sleep."

Many students across the nation are doing school assignments on their computers from home these days.

Father: Jimmy, you need to go online and do your homework. It’s important to prepare yourself for the profession of choice.

Later on the father checks on Jimmy’s progress only to find him playing video games.

Father: Jimmy, you’re supposed to be doing your homework.

Jimmy: I am doing my homework dad, I’m going to be a video game reviewer on YouTube.

When I bought my new Corvette, my two sons asked me who would inherit it if I met my demise. I pondered the question, then told them if I passed away on an even day, the son born on an even day would get it. If it happened on an odd day, the one born on the odd day would get it.

A few weekends later, while river rafting with one of my sons, I was tossed out of the boat. As I floated in the rapids, I heard my son yelling, "It's the wrong day!"

Danny came home with a very large bounty of Halloween treats. Danny’s eyes were gleaming; he had a smile from ear to ear while performing an impromptu victory dance for his parents.

His father said, "Danny you know there comes a time when we should stop going trick or treating."

Just them Danny’s mother interrupted her husband. "Dear, give the boy a break; after all he has two full years before he turns forty."