Fresh out of seminary, a young pastor found an associate position at a prestigious church. One Sunday early on, he was given the opportunity to preach. He prepared diligently - perhaps a bit too excited to use all the learning he'd acquired - and worked hard to make his words eloquent and smooth.
Shaking hands at the end of the service, he was approached by one of the older ladies who was known and respected in both the church and community.
"Sir," she said with a smile, "your sermon was like the peace of God!"
The young preacher's grin widened and his chest puffed a bit, until she continued on... "It surpassed ALL understanding!"
YOU MIGHT BE A PREACHER IF...
- You've dreamed you were preaching, only to awaken and discover you were.
- A church picnic is no picnic.
- You wish people would die at more appropriate times.
- Instead of getting "ticked off," you get "grieved in your spirit."
- You're tempted to take an offering at a family reunion.
- You've ever wanted to "lay hands" on a deacon's neck.
- Everybody stops talking when you enter the room.
- You sometimes stretch the truth at a funeral.
- You've suffered an anxiety attack while playing Bible Trivia Pursuit.
- The ideas you bounce off board members really do.
- You get your second wind when you say "And in conclusion..."
Boarding the aircraft for the first time, Judy settled into a window seat in the quietest part of the plane. A man came over and politely said, "Ma'am, you're in my seat."
"Go away and find another seat!" Judy replied.
He said, "Okay, fine, you fly the plane."
Two daughters were having a discussion about family resemblance. "I look like Mom," said my nine-year-old, "but I have Dad's eyes and Dad's lips."
The six-year-old said, "And I look just like Dad, but I have light hair."
Then she turned to me. "Mom," she asked, "what does Dad have to do with us being born anyway?"
Her older sister jumped right in. "Don't be stupid, Christina. Dad is the one who drove Mom to the hospital."