Passing an office building late one night, the lady saw a sign that said, "Press bell for night watchman."

She did so, and after several minutes she heard the watchman clomping down the stairs. The uniformed man proceeded to unlock first one gate, then another, shut down the alarm system, and finally made his way through the revolving door.

"Well," he snarled at her, "what do you want?"

"I just wanted to know why you can't ring the doorbell for yourself?"

Fresh out of seminary, a young pastor found an associate position at a prestigious church. One Sunday early on, he was given the opportunity to preach. He prepared diligently - perhaps a bit too excited to use all the learning he'd acquired - and worked hard to make his words eloquent and smooth.

Shaking hands at the end of the service, he was approached by one of the older ladies who was known and respected in both the church and community.

"Sir," she said with a smile, "your sermon was like the peace of God!"

The young preacher's grin widened and his chest puffed a bit, until she continued on... "It surpassed ALL understanding!"