Little Johnny's father sees him crying and worriedly asks what's wrong. "Oh," Johnny sniffles. "I lost a nickel."
"There, there, son," his father says kindly. "I'll give you a nice new nickel." He then reaches into his wallet, takes out a nickel, and gives it to Johnny.
Despite his father's kindness, Johnny only cries harder. "Say, what's wrong now, son?" his father asks, very perplexed.
"Now I wish I'd said I lost a quarter!"
A man in a hunter's outfit enters a butcher's shop. "I would like to buy two undressed ducks, please."
"I'm very sorry," the butcher replies. "But I'm afraid we're fresh out of ducks. I can sell you a couple of fresh chickens instead if you like."
"Chickens!" the hunter exclaims. "I can't go home and tell my wife I bagged a couple of chickens!"
A woman posts her profile on a dating app. Two days later, she gets a message back, saying, "I would love to meet you, but I need to tell you that I am eight feet tall, covered in long, mangy fur riddled with fleas, and have glowing yellow eyes, razor sharp claws and long, drooly fangs. If you are still interested in meeting me, I'll be sitting on a bench in Central Park at five o'clock this afternoon."
The woman replies, "I would love to meet you, but could you please wear a red rose and some French cologne so I can recognize you?"
While fixing his roof, a man fell off of the ladder. After meeting with his wife later, he told her that four ribs were broken.
"Four ribs broken?!" she gasps. "Which hospital did you go to?"
"I didn't have to go to the hospital." he replies. His wife stares in perplexity. "Four broken ribs and you didn't have to go to the hospital?"
"No, it was the fella I landed on who broke four ribs."